A Dream, or rather A Nightmare!

I don’t know if any of you are into analyzing dreams at all but i had one of the weirdest ones just last night. heres how it went:

I was going through this maze, kinda like God of War [PS2] and having a lot of mini battles here and there. Then i came to a puzzle room. In this room was just a bunch of socials. People that i know from the small town that i live in. I was supposed to do something, not quiet sure what, maybe win them over, maybe perform, but i just wanted to get out of this room and go on.

Then we were all drinking. I was drunk and everyone was still doing there little butterfly life. There was this really cute guy who took me into another room. He thought i was drunk enough to just screw him, but i didn’t want to. I heard him talking to his dad, and his dad said he had to, i can’t remember why.  So he came back in and cornered me using more beer and words. I broke down, and when we got naked he was just about to go in me before i examined his penis.

It started off just like every other penis, prolly bout eight or so inches, then it had practically a whole nother penis sticking off the top, but going completely left, and it was like half dagger half penis. I was freaked out and said “what the hell is that?! i cant have sex, that’ll kill me” but the weird thing was i felt like i needed to and he told me i did, so i did it.

When i came out of orgasming, nothing was happening like it really should, my vag was ok, but i was puking up blood nonstop. just more and more. so i went to a doctor and all she said was “your screwed”. then told me how i should have known better and there was nothing she could do to help me, the puking of blood would either stop or i’d die.

Then i woke up.  A friend of mine told me that it represents stuff, like i supposedly think that im having dangerous sex, and that its hurting me, not physically, but im suffering from it, i dono, this all just freaks me out a little.

Through the airwaves

Through the Airwaves

Every beat and breath is planned

In the end your just a tool taken for granted

The truth will never be revealed

Unless they want a go at your heart

They feed you bull shit through the waves

Through the air waves you get “happy” light

Through the sound waves you get moving beats

Wine and bread they’ll go for every time.

Easy are the greedy to rob.

and who is the most selfish of them all but the king of the jungle.

it’s gotta be the top.

Here we sit in ignorance. pretending to dance. saying

its good, its a game.

They feed us bull shit. and we come back for seconds. everyone.

Realization At Midnight

In the past few months I have had no schedules of any kind, and not much in the way of anything to do. As I am 17, live in a small town far outside of life, and can’t get a job because no one will hire me-based off a bad rep. I’m just waiting until my folks can get their shit together [which will be soon] and I can find some way of supporting myself.

The point is, I’m bored. All the time now, even when I’m having fun, it just not as jazzy. There is a constant drone going on just over my head. I’ve lost friends because of it, and have toned my life down to couch potatoe watching little kid movies.

Then, I went on thinking, ya know, maybe I’ve been bored all my life. maybe. I think it’s everyones conformist attitude about life. Everyone thinks what they want, and that everyone else should be like that too. For most people, for the flashy high class rollers, which is what stands out the most, it’s all about looks. It’s all about presentation, so make-up, clothes and shoes are all I “should” be interested in, and then most likely having a presentation career and settling down to have a family. Most of this shit, just doesn’t interest me. I mean, ok, it’s fun in a way, but it gets old real quick.

I’m not interested in giving up, or becoming a bum or anything like that, i mean i do have self respect, but its just, i want to at the end of my days know that there was something to going through all the bull shit. something where i can just say, yup. thats it. right there. i need something to make the bull shit worth it.

I know what it is and i know its kinda right, not “it” but a saying, to be a discoverer you don’t need new landscapes to set your eyes upon, but new eyes to set upon each sight. [unknown] and i honestly think that might have something to it. because i know if i had something great, then that would make up for everything else.