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Out of the commandments there is only one that i can ever really remember, The 11th Commandment. Thou Shalt Not Get Caught.
This is the one that strangely enough i learned from my mother, oh i know-the many mystery’s of my family! Any ways, this is one that at the moment my bf is having alot of troubles with. He got caught a few months ago spent awhile in juvie and is now on probation. You know how it is though, no matter if your on probation or not, if you got outta juvie awhile ago your ego has probably grown and you might just have the balls to keep doing stupid shit. Some times i even wonder if he wants to go back in there, just for the hell of it, or something, but then, i cant really see why he would.
The thing is, everyone, or so they say everyone, has the time in which they start to question authority, some get caught doing things they shouldn’t because of this, and everyone has to deal with the consequences of it. Usually what you have to deal with is putting on a face doing everything right. Which is the part that i personally hate. Why cant we just be free is the question that i usually ask. But someone who is good at it can get away with it their entire lives, someone who isn’t either learns how to or goes back to following the rules and becoming a sheep.
My main question in life right now is, what makes it worth it all? what is the good stuff? thats not a question that anyone can answer for me, i know this, but seriously, i know there has got to be something out there because i’ve already ruled out the option of death, but still the question remains for now.
all of these unanswered questions build up
as i sit before the toilet bowl ready to throw up
everywhere i look it seems destruction is coming up
glances thrown in my direction
again, walking the city streets alone
an alien i must seem
in amongst the moments that i steel
just to know what it might feel like
stright up is the phrase that people use
when they are sneaking around
the rules are sitting there upon the table
the rules that are more like war fare
the rules that are just a guide line
in a world where anything goes
it all semms to spin around, swirling in a continum
its speeding by me
standing alone, i miss your whispers in my ear
and your fingers laced between mine
a love that could have been,
filled out in one night, and im still trying to forget
as the world keeps spinning around and around
the days seem to slip by, and yet im still trying to figure out why
this scene around me, could it all be?
is it just a dream? am i just remembering it from another place?
harsh words thrown around as lightly as marshmellows thrown
there are eyes that follow me around and
wonder what i am doing
haunting they are, hiding in odd corners.
im trying to escape and im looking for a smile
i know i’ll be stuck here for awhile.
Phew, so i haven’t written anything on here in what seems like ages, and im not gonna lie, i really missed it. So much has happend in the time that i have been away from the computer, its like im a whole new person. or ok thats wrong, i’ve just opend my mind to new ideas. At least, im in the process of doing so. heh, that sounds so cheesy, i wonder if i always sound this drull…hope not.
Anyways, Down to the good stuff, if i can come up with any that is. i feel so out of touch with the key board..its like a long lost friend, returning, like an old joke that goes on and on. that one joke everyone knows and everyone tells hardly any one laughs at it anymore except for those few people who are just…well you know who im talking about. =]. i joke i joke.
So, as some of you may know, and you now know because i am about to tell you i live in a pertty small and boring town. i take that back, i live in a REALLY small and extremely boring town. a fly speck on the map if you will. there’s like one stop light, and it doesn’t even have all three colors. just a red flashy on two sides and on the other two yellow flashy. I KNOW, wow. thats unimaginable to those of you who have never lived in a small town before, but yes, we do have out own dot on the map. and it’s well earned. with out two grocery stores that is…alright, enough babble, my point here is in the “down town” area which consists of about two blocks there happens to be this little furniture store. it looks pertty nice although like the theme of this story its small compared to your average furniture gallery. but my question is, in all the time that i have lived here, which about now adds up to about a year, i have NEVER seen anybody going in there. not once. never seen anyone browsing furniture, never seen any furniture being loaded or unloaded into the store. ect. and yet, still it sits there occasionally with an open sign in the window. How does it do it? How does it stay open? are they just sitting on it waiting for someone to break in and steal something to make an insurance claim? dealing drugs on the side? running off ebay? i’d really like to know. anywho.
thats about it for now, although i’d still like to bitch about our confusing as hell weather that were having, if you can believe it it’s still april and its bloody snowing every other day. FTW?!? i just dont get it. alright peace.
right now it just seems like every thing. everyone. every every. is telling me not to be me. is saying that im some how wrong. or something. i cant really explain it. i just feel kinda unloved.
i have a strong urge to just tell the world to fuck off. FUCK OFF WORLD. fuck off.
there is like this question this nagging in the back of my head, i dont really know what it is just that it wont go away. how am i supposed to find an answer to a question that i dont know what it is. how?
i dono.
As we walk through the valley of shadow and flames
Every day is like a new discovery, every glance is suddenly a new opportunity, where some people see death and destruction, ruins in mass, a grave yard waiting to happen, suddenly i see a rose coming into bloom and the sparks that fly before the first kiss, the intensity of doing a flip for the first time, your heart pounding in intensity as you race a friend.
His name is Bullet, and he is the Cutest. cat. He runs into walls, and has already lost his balls. He is the essence of loving, and the terror in other felines young and old alike. I love my cat.
[side note] i have a million and a half drafts just chillin in my saved area so i decided it’s time to get back to full time writing, and stop putting shit off. also its like one in the morning…i had to wait for everyone else in my family to get off the b——- computer. yea, bet your wonder what all those “-” equal out to…i dont even know….ok moving on.
People often say, when reflecting on someone else’s life story, ” there is good in the world, you’ve just got to search for it” or something along those lines. Unfortunately there is douche baggery in the world as well, and you usually dont have to search to hard for it, for some reason it likes ringing your door bell more than most things. You could start by naming off the creepy internet stalkers, the ass wholes who bring up your most embarrassing moment in front of a large crowd of people, and the bitch who just likes to put everyone down no matter how bad her day is. However the line doesn’t end there, try naming a few, im sure you’ve got your own stash of people you just avoid because of said douche baggery.
Dont get offended if you happen to think that you might fall under the category of douche baggerist, because.., ok get offended, your a douche. The funny thing is, one question that might be running through your head right now is “well, golly, what exactly is douche baggery? have I committed douche baggery?” I’m here to inform you that you probably have, because there is no real definition for it, as it is a made up word, for my bitching pleasures, and it refers to what ever jackass im bitching about for whatever reason in the current, we all, have committed some form of douche baggery at least once in our lives, its just something that happens, your not a terrible person unless you have no friends because of it. thats when you know you’ve got it bad, and i suggest a large dose of seeing the best recommended shrink you can afford. it wont solve your douchyness-self, however, it might save you from cutting your wrists, or shooting someone in the head. both frowned upon things in todays world.
ok, so, there actually was a real life reason for writing this post, and i can’t remember what it was at the time i started this, however i’ll just move on and bitch about some spoiled brat i honestly wish would trip and fall on her face in front of the guy she likes. i wont go into details just because they aren’t that important, i just wish i could punch her in the face right now. grr.
there, that feels a lot better, just typing that out. *FEWPHEW* this is MY therapy, hehehehhee jk jk. done for now talk to you laterrr
I know what im looking for.
i know what i want.
the guts is what i need.
to keep going.
i have to just know that it’s out there, and if not, i’ll keep searching my whole life.
because i know when i get it, it’ll be grand.
untill then, im still awesome.
You’ll find it hiding under the cabinet in the living room. What is it? the truth, thats where i keep it, i dont mind, it’s better when it’s left down there anyways, i mean the ugly truth, the one you wouldn’t be able to tell just by looking at a person. Mine is sad, and i haven’t exactly perfected my mask yet, so you’d still think i had a scared face when you meet me, or catch one of those lost in thoughts moments.
Your walking alone in a forest, there is an animal next to you, guiding your way, what is that animal? Then as your walking along the path there comes to a split choice, one route is dark a bit spooky, and mysterious, the other is light and fluffy, an easy breeze on a summer day. Which path would you choose?
the animal is supposed to be what your personality is, and if you chose the darker path then your not afraid of death. [hehe i almost wrote if you chose the dark side] but thats just one of those cheesy miggers that are supposed to tell you something about your self but are better for just wasting time and pondering the many mystery’s of the world. or whatever. you know.
no matter what, when im down, i can listen to a good song, with a nice beat, and just feel alive again. i know i’ll make it through, i have to, and if i dont, well, then, end of story. so it doesn’t really matter now does it.
whatever.
end of talk.
<a href=”http://s127.photobucket.com/albums/p130/froggyz21/?action=view¤t=mc_psp_loud.jpg” target=”_blank”><img src=”http://i127.photobucket.com/albums/p130/froggyz21/mc_psp_loud.jpg” border=”0″ alt=”Photobucket”></a>
i will write a story for this pic, but for the moment my imagination is crap and my thoughts system is all clogged up.
Some times i know. sometimes i dont. What i do know, what i have seen is that to hold in ones emotions is the worst thing to do.. It makes you crazy.
