You are currently browsing the monthly archive for July 2008.
so, i’m wondering if my regularity will once again return to this site. we shall see.
THE NEWS: i am setting off once again, moving on and moving out, once more. my question: how many more times until i find the right place?!??! i will keep trying until i find the right place. i know it’s out there.
THE THOUGHTS OF TODAY: well i just got out of a nice hot shower, that i took to relax myself. i am really lonely again, and i have already made the decision that i need new friends because the ones i was hanging out with and i dont get along. i’ve not made new REAL friends for a verry long time. and REAL is what im looking for now, and when i say REAL, i mean: some one i can be honest with, i dont have to dance around with a whole bunch of drama, someone who takes things AS THEY ARE, and dont worry about “underlying meanings” because thats all BULL SHIT. i really hate drama, it’s driving me crazy. FUCKING TEENAGERS. god, why cant all the teen agers just GROW the FUCK uPPPPP!?!??!?!?? two people in general. dumb bitches. i wont say their names though, because this is the internet and that would be dumb, and weird.
thought number two. i feel like my acceptance to change is not what it used to be, and i am having a hard time adapting [if you will] to my new environment. i feel crazy walking around here, like why did i just drop everything and move to a completely new city? why did i feel that i could handle this? i mean i can, and i think it will all turn out better in the end, but i’m having a hard time right now. i wish i had some one who could just give me a big hug and tell me it will all be ok. thats what i want right now.
however, i dont have it, so i have to face life, try and live more in the moment, and know that they will. i honestly think that people at my work think i’m crazy because i hardly ever focus at work and dont really pay attention, one of the most out going girls there said that my mind was on another mission. she said thats what all minds do when they cant focus. there is another girl named sandra and she’s worse i think than i am, i hope i dont look as bad as her. she’s always humming and muttering to herself. i hope i at least have the decency to keep my mouth shut while im on another mission. i dont want to turn out like her, i’m to young too.
thought number three: maybe i’ll just become christian to supress my lonelyness. a lot of other people do it, why cant i. then i wont look SO crazy when i close my eyes and think just to myself. then i can just say oh i’m thinking of god. or something. JUST KIDDING. HOLY MACARONIE!!! ok, i know i’m lonely, but going back and reading that last one, wow, now i’m going to start believeing in fictional characters. SHIT SON! what am i going to doooo?!~>!??!?!? eh, option two find some guy and become his everything i guess. no, i’ll take option number three, become a whole person in myself, and regain my confidence, and work things out on my own. then think about a guy, and all that other happy horse shit.
thought number four: i am so sick of condecending people and feeling crappy. i need to find an ego booster QUICK!!
If only you were as good at life in general as you are at kissing ass to barley get by. Your smooth words win over many souls a noumerous amount of times, if you could only keep your word and follow through with your actions.
I have seen your ways and will be brought down by your stupidity and lazyness no more, and while others have faith in you i have hope, but only for their sakes and not yours. While you may smear my name across the page with rotten shit right now, the future will clearly show who has the go to to follow through.
My tears and sadness reek with depression as we speak, but i am growing out of being weak. I hate you for all the time i wasted on you, and all the promices you’ve broken. I appoligize for my share of falling through. I am only human. I am no wonder woman. Your lies will reach my ears no more.
This one goes out to a used to be friend who lost me my own, and now her myspace is COVERED in her dedication to the world and these innocent by standards praises. Oh wow. My mistake is trusting her in the first place. Someone with so much hatred built up can only lead to trouble.
