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[side note] i have a million and a half drafts just chillin in my saved area so i decided it’s time to get back to full time writing, and stop putting shit off. also its like one in the morning…i had to wait for everyone else in my family to get off the b——- computer. yea, bet your wonder what all those “-” equal out to…i dont even know….ok moving on.
People often say, when reflecting on someone else’s life story, ” there is good in the world, you’ve just got to search for it” or something along those lines. Unfortunately there is douche baggery in the world as well, and you usually dont have to search to hard for it, for some reason it likes ringing your door bell more than most things. You could start by naming off the creepy internet stalkers, the ass wholes who bring up your most embarrassing moment in front of a large crowd of people, and the bitch who just likes to put everyone down no matter how bad her day is. However the line doesn’t end there, try naming a few, im sure you’ve got your own stash of people you just avoid because of said douche baggery.
Dont get offended if you happen to think that you might fall under the category of douche baggerist, because.., ok get offended, your a douche. The funny thing is, one question that might be running through your head right now is “well, golly, what exactly is douche baggery? have I committed douche baggery?” I’m here to inform you that you probably have, because there is no real definition for it, as it is a made up word, for my bitching pleasures, and it refers to what ever jackass im bitching about for whatever reason in the current, we all, have committed some form of douche baggery at least once in our lives, its just something that happens, your not a terrible person unless you have no friends because of it. thats when you know you’ve got it bad, and i suggest a large dose of seeing the best recommended shrink you can afford. it wont solve your douchyness-self, however, it might save you from cutting your wrists, or shooting someone in the head. both frowned upon things in todays world.
ok, so, there actually was a real life reason for writing this post, and i can’t remember what it was at the time i started this, however i’ll just move on and bitch about some spoiled brat i honestly wish would trip and fall on her face in front of the guy she likes. i wont go into details just because they aren’t that important, i just wish i could punch her in the face right now. grr.
there, that feels a lot better, just typing that out. *FEWPHEW* this is MY therapy, hehehehhee jk jk. done for now talk to you laterrr
As you pause and step outside of your life look around, and see all the people walking in their bubbles, living in their own world and version of what they deem to be this world. In side this one world are many smaller ones, and what they all add up to is what you see before you. All the colors, shades, lights, and angles add up to your version of life. To what you call living.
Imagine all the different worlds that lay right next to you. They seep in and effect your own.
Then go and take away the idea of why you wake up in the morning, of what your here to do, of what path your going down, forget everything you used to love doing because you cant do it anymore. Everything you once knew is gone and you are thrown into a world with out prior knowledge. What do you do?
This is where i sit, and im having a hard time finding it, it being what im supposed to do. Im scared to take any steps farther but fear more being left behind to rot in the dust.
According to statistics i will die before age 27, the life i have led. the things that have happened in my world and the choices i have made.
Man fuck statistics, i’ll die when i damn well feel like it, and not a day sooner. I guess now it’s just up to me to create a new world, this is just my hesitant step as i slow down before passing the door frame by.
If bullet can climb roofs then i can totally do this.
i’m giving you this umbrella and wishing you safety and love, but it is time we part ways. it has been a great journey.
i know what your thinking.
and if you are ever in need of a good song, but grow tired of fall out boy, i suggest Senses Fail, their best song and one i dedicate it to you, Calling All Cars.
hopefully, we at least had a few good laughs. it’s time however, to go back to real life.
-my last loves going out-NOW- hope ya caught em. peace.
Side Note: i know what your thinking, “i just shit my pants!!!” dood that sucks, good luck cleaning that out. Good bye my good friend, i will remember these times as pleasant ones, where sleep was foreign and laughs were often. Savor these last words of mine, until i become famous and you can hear my words whenever you choose. Im so sorry it had to end this way, this terrible way…but get over it. =/. =p. lol, i know you will.
final score.
INIDANS : WON!!!! [duh, because were awesome]
GLASSES : ZERO!!!! [because i will always win, biotch]
1. Some times when your so excited, you maybe should hide it. Not everyone can pull off being male and singing like a chick. ; )
2.If all else fails when you have a bunch of people over at your house, say fuck it, sit down and play video games. It works for almost anything too, don’t wanna do the dishes-video games, procrastinating homework- video games, ignoring your friends? – video games.
3. When your sister wont do any laundry just tell her she can’t wear your clothes any more, she’ll run out of pantys soon enough.
4. Piece of advise, I know cleaning sucks, even comparable to the worlds biggest balls kinda sucks, but you should clean so you don’t get a bug problem and then following that a spider infestation, which givin enough time will eventually attract mice or rats. not pretty. just clean, get it over with. kay?
5. The silent treatment will get anything out of somebody, use with caution though, you might lose them as a friend if abused, although if your trying to lose them it will only encourage drama. no fun.
6. If you name your cat bullet [or any other witty name implying greatness] he will eventually get tired of being hyper all day and sleep nonstop.
7. People will assume anything you let them, so say fuck it and prove their assumptions right before they get the chance to make it, like say doing random acts of kindness such as putting a rubber band around their sink hose. [for anyone who doesn't know thats a little sprayer next to the fosit in some house's it comes in handy in kitchen wars.]
8. The Discovery Channel is the best. well, after Youtube, and blasting music to piss off the neighbors that is.
9. Don’t ask. It’s easier to get forgiveness than get permission, especially when the rents have already said no. [this one is a bit clishe and over used, but it's a goodun none the less]
10. When no tums are available try 1tsp of baking soda[?] and some water, works wonders, even on the spins.
“That goes without saying”
don’t you just love it when people say stuff like that. especially after they are the ones that said whatever supposedly goes without saying. i mean come on.
In my world there is nothing to small to be noticed, or to large to put into words, there is a blogger who just lets it flow, and at some point in time i hope to have the same power of words that he has. He writes stories he makes up and most of them aren’t true its just however he tells them, i can’t quiet figure out how he does it, but it enraptures you, and when his words stop, you believe no matter how absurd the plot line is. and its often way more interesting than just your average thoughts, but thats what it feels like he’s writing. some day, i know, some day i’ll have that power.
Just another random pointless blog vainly about nothing, yet many many words.
if you’ve randomly been reading up on my recent random bulletins about nothing in particular, then you might remember me saying something about not needing a game plan for starting a fire.
well, you don’t – it just really helps.
Here’s how you start a fire without a game plan.
[or how i did]
paper, alot of paper, then smaller pieces of wood
& a blow torch.
burn the paper/card board/ whatever you can come up with
hopefully this will last for more than a few seconds
if it doesn’t like mine
you need more
when you run out of mac and cheese boxs
feel free to use old school work or something that in general burns quickly
once you start getting the larger piece’s of wood burning, thats when you know you’ve got it.
for me, it took probably about an hour, give or take a few,
it’s because modern day indians
or at leat me
just suck at building a fire.
i mainly think its because the white men have washed
most of the magic outta my blood.
those bastards. 
lol, jk.
[disclaimer for any violent or offensive info. not intentional offense, just funny in a rude way]
a few things:
1. peaches are yummy.
2. you have to be in a pickle[y] kinda mood other wise pickles are grose.
you don’t believe me,next time you open your fridge and while not thinking about pickles [aka NOT thinking: yumm a pickle sounds good right now] try a pickle. not good.
3.tortillas in the microwave get you nowhere. and im not talking about putting them in for actual time. im mean just sitting there. despite common belief, IT DOES NOTHING, NOTHING I TELL YOU.
4.if you have an idea that you really want to get down on paper, and you want to get it down right this second for fear of losing it, you will not be able to find a pen anywhere in your area that works, or any writing utensil for that matter.
5. if you have nothing to do on a friday night[or any other day of the week] message this girl shelley, 99.9 percent of the time she wont either and you guys can chat about nothing in weird ways over the internet.
6.be thank full for indoor heating. [my house is freezing when were out of firewood]
The Decision. I’m not quiet sure what im supposed to be deciding but it feels like i should be saying something here. I need to really decide [or create] who i am. who am i? i don’t even know.
i just dont know right now.
yupp. can’t sleep again.
i went to this writers work shop thing that our teen center staff holds, theres only like four teens that go to it, me, so guy who’s being nice to me, a young kid for extra credit, and a really really REALLY tall dood with a voice that sounds like an eight year old shy girl [i mean guy]. Then theres the five other amera corps people who go too. we all have a blast. it helps out with my writing a lot, but now it’s to late at night to sleep, plus i have an awkward rep that im worrying over, for some unknown reason, i can’t really think stright right now so spell check is my best friend, and otherwise i’d be writing something interesting. im honestly astounded that i manage to sit upright.
Anyways, to talk about something and not just babble to myself, A book that i’ve been reading, Sometimes you get so ALONE that it just makes sense. Charles Bukowski. its poetry. but for me the name says most of it, Thats how i feel these days. Seriously, it doesn’t matter what i do, i still feel completely alone in this small town in the middle of nowhere. You’d think by now i’d be used to it, and culture shock would ware off, but no.
Right now, & in moments like this is where i feel it, where my life has been a shell filled by other people, explained by nature. I don’t have anyone telling me what to do, or who to be, I sleep in until one in the afternoon, i do a bunch of random nothings through out my day, it’s not all that bad, just incredibly boring. and boredum does bad things for me. it drives me crazy. & i can’t really seem to find a way to focus my energy either. pretty soon i’ll be screwing mr nice guy who goes to writers workshop with me if im not care full. then ill really be a “slut” whatever. people talk shit. why is everything a battle? no, hopefully i’ll find someway because i honestly don’t really find mr nice guy to be all that nice. he talks alot of pretty words but does alot of not so pretty things. besides hes friends with and lives with my ex’s friends the ones who i think really really really don’t like me but still say they do. and their still “trying” to hang out with me. whats their deal? why do they have to so badley prove that they’re trying to be my friends? it might be guilty consioncience[SHIT I CANT FUCKING SPELL] from a year ago.
ok, now, here’s the part where i go into trying to figure out this whole why are [they] trying to still be my friend, and i really don’t want to, i don’t want to get caught up in the stupid drama here. I’m moving soon, it doesn’t matter, don’t let it get to you. i am not getting sleepy.
idk idk. im just scared that no matter how many times i think it out there will be some other possiblitie and in the end they’ll still be there laughing going “you should have known, you should, have known” im just scared i’ll make ANOTHER bad choice. it seems to be what im best at.
lets see:
1.dropping out of high school.
2.going to job crops,
3.everything that happend there[ok, somethings that happend there]
4.dropping out of job crops.
5.quiting taco bell [thus having to move back nearly a year later to the stupid town that i dropped out of school to get away from]
6.going out with [kyle]
and those are just the life changing ones. theres alot of little ones in between.
sometimes i think i hate writing, but i think it’s just because when im writing about myself i only write about things that i hate because i dont like telling people in real life all my problems. i dont know why, so then when i go back and read what i’ve written i feel like i don’t even sound like myself. it’s weird.
the person who i used to be seems to me now to be so young and nieeve. so innocent in a way. now i feel like i could take on japan, or the world. or rather i am taking them on.
this must be why most of my writing sounds so tired also. three thirty in the blinkin morning.
“why cant we be friends, why cant we be friends, why cant we-e be friends, why cant we be friends?”
thats my official theme song while i’m living in this dump hole. i hate it here. but it so nice and lovely. BUT I FUCKING HATE IT. sigh. if only the keyboard could truely take away this clogged up feeling i have in my chest.
