You are currently browsing the category archive for the 'old friends' category.
i’m giving you this umbrella and wishing you safety and love, but it is time we part ways. it has been a great journey.
i know what your thinking.
and if you are ever in need of a good song, but grow tired of fall out boy, i suggest Senses Fail, their best song and one i dedicate it to you, Calling All Cars.
hopefully, we at least had a few good laughs. it’s time however, to go back to real life.
-my last loves going out-NOW- hope ya caught em. peace.
Side Note: i know what your thinking, “i just shit my pants!!!” dood that sucks, good luck cleaning that out. Good bye my good friend, i will remember these times as pleasant ones, where sleep was foreign and laughs were often. Savor these last words of mine, until i become famous and you can hear my words whenever you choose. Im so sorry it had to end this way, this terrible way…but get over it. =/. =p. lol, i know you will.
final score.
INIDANS : WON!!!! [duh, because were awesome]
GLASSES : ZERO!!!! [because i will always win, biotch]
So, i don’t know what’s going to happen from here on out, but i’ve realized that- hey, you just can’t make every body happy, so right now shoot for yourself then along the way hopefully you can bring up some one else, and that will be THE ABSOLUTE BEST!!!!
but once someone makes up their mind all you can do is let them realize their mistake and help them out with they fall.
i just hope i can get that little bit of happiness back that i never had.
An old song by Fat Joe.
Dancing in a Camper with my old best friend Amanda and out other friends Jake And Sammy. The cute guy outside that i’d been hanging out with, and me trying to impress him. A sunny day in the summer, just messing around. Who doesn’t love those days?
To me that’s what that song will always be despite the fact that i don’t really like the lyrics now that I’ve sat down and listened to them.
That got me into thinking about how people remember things for different reasons. Most people i’ve heard remember things off emotion, and i could see how that works out, when your bored you don’t really remember that as much even though you might have spent more time doing something and being bored than having fun and doing something.
I like how if you talk to different people who were at the same show maybe even friends, doing the exact same thing you’ll get a different view point every time. That’s why i love talking to people.
& I heard once that when you remember something that every time you bring it back up it is different, because of your perception of it at the time, basically the way you think about things affects how you remember something.
ok, there’s the end of that weird and random thought. ‘
yupp. can’t sleep again.
i went to this writers work shop thing that our teen center staff holds, theres only like four teens that go to it, me, so guy who’s being nice to me, a young kid for extra credit, and a really really REALLY tall dood with a voice that sounds like an eight year old shy girl [i mean guy]. Then theres the five other amera corps people who go too. we all have a blast. it helps out with my writing a lot, but now it’s to late at night to sleep, plus i have an awkward rep that im worrying over, for some unknown reason, i can’t really think stright right now so spell check is my best friend, and otherwise i’d be writing something interesting. im honestly astounded that i manage to sit upright.
Anyways, to talk about something and not just babble to myself, A book that i’ve been reading, Sometimes you get so ALONE that it just makes sense. Charles Bukowski. its poetry. but for me the name says most of it, Thats how i feel these days. Seriously, it doesn’t matter what i do, i still feel completely alone in this small town in the middle of nowhere. You’d think by now i’d be used to it, and culture shock would ware off, but no.
Right now, & in moments like this is where i feel it, where my life has been a shell filled by other people, explained by nature. I don’t have anyone telling me what to do, or who to be, I sleep in until one in the afternoon, i do a bunch of random nothings through out my day, it’s not all that bad, just incredibly boring. and boredum does bad things for me. it drives me crazy. & i can’t really seem to find a way to focus my energy either. pretty soon i’ll be screwing mr nice guy who goes to writers workshop with me if im not care full. then ill really be a “slut” whatever. people talk shit. why is everything a battle? no, hopefully i’ll find someway because i honestly don’t really find mr nice guy to be all that nice. he talks alot of pretty words but does alot of not so pretty things. besides hes friends with and lives with my ex’s friends the ones who i think really really really don’t like me but still say they do. and their still “trying” to hang out with me. whats their deal? why do they have to so badley prove that they’re trying to be my friends? it might be guilty consioncience[SHIT I CANT FUCKING SPELL] from a year ago.
ok, now, here’s the part where i go into trying to figure out this whole why are [they] trying to still be my friend, and i really don’t want to, i don’t want to get caught up in the stupid drama here. I’m moving soon, it doesn’t matter, don’t let it get to you. i am not getting sleepy.
idk idk. im just scared that no matter how many times i think it out there will be some other possiblitie and in the end they’ll still be there laughing going “you should have known, you should, have known” im just scared i’ll make ANOTHER bad choice. it seems to be what im best at.
lets see:
1.dropping out of high school.
2.going to job crops,
3.everything that happend there[ok, somethings that happend there]
4.dropping out of job crops.
5.quiting taco bell [thus having to move back nearly a year later to the stupid town that i dropped out of school to get away from]
6.going out with [kyle]
and those are just the life changing ones. theres alot of little ones in between.
sometimes i think i hate writing, but i think it’s just because when im writing about myself i only write about things that i hate because i dont like telling people in real life all my problems. i dont know why, so then when i go back and read what i’ve written i feel like i don’t even sound like myself. it’s weird.
the person who i used to be seems to me now to be so young and nieeve. so innocent in a way. now i feel like i could take on japan, or the world. or rather i am taking them on.
this must be why most of my writing sounds so tired also. three thirty in the blinkin morning.
“why cant we be friends, why cant we be friends, why cant we-e be friends, why cant we be friends?”
thats my official theme song while i’m living in this dump hole. i hate it here. but it so nice and lovely. BUT I FUCKING HATE IT. sigh. if only the keyboard could truely take away this clogged up feeling i have in my chest.
