i’m giving you this umbrella and wishing you safety and love, but it is time we part ways. it has been a great journey.

i know what your thinking.

and if you are ever in need of a good song, but grow tired of fall out boy, i suggest Senses Fail, their best song and one i dedicate it to you, Calling All Cars.

hopefully, we at least had a few good laughs. it’s time however, to go back to real life.

-my last loves going out-NOW- hope ya caught em. peace.

Side Note: i know what your thinking, “i just shit my pants!!!” dood that sucks, good luck cleaning that out. Good bye my good friend, i will remember these times as pleasant ones, where sleep was foreign and laughs were often. Savor these last words of mine, until i become famous and you can hear my words whenever you choose. Im so sorry it had to end this way, this terrible way…but get over it. =/. =p. lol, i know you will. 

final score. 

INIDANS : WON!!!! [duh, because were awesome]

GLASSES : ZERO!!!! [because i will always win, biotch]

you know, sometimes, it just hits me.

WOW!

so for all this time, i’ve been thinking that i would come back here and figure out what i want to do[here as in this little shit hole town] by process of elimination, by taking everything else out of my life that i thought was ok and then whatever i had left was going to be it. be me[in a certain way]. and then i started this blog because i was bummed that i STILL haven’t found one.

i mean i kinda play my guitar, video games are kinda fun, annoying people and destroying my rep is ok, but none of it really felt like it was me, just stuff i was doing to keep myself occupied and unbored. Then it freaking hit me. There is something i do everyday to create stuff, my own stuff, sometimes it is on the computer and most times not, but i do it when i have overwhelming frustration, not so much when im really hyper, or happy, but i’m trying to work that in. oh yea, to the point. ITS WRITE.

how could i not have seen this?? i do it every day, in a million different ways. just wow. it honestly took me this long to figure that out???? i mean, its right in front of me all the time. i’ll seriously even write on my leg if i have nothing else handy. WOW. JUST WOW. im amazed. FIVE MONTHS of me thinking i had nothing. [plus the last seventeen years of my life] but. yup. there it is. and now i’m good. YEY ME.

Complicating Beauty

Today, i saw this picture of a rose and it had every single pedal on it a different neon color, it was kinda art full, but not really. Why would you do that? when somethings already pretty just how it is. Now its just a weird looking bunch of pedals wanting to be a rose. It’s ugly now. Where o’hh where has simplicity gone?

What happened to the days when dirt on your knee’s signified status as opposed to state of bum?

Where are the days when riding your bike was just cool and didn’t have to be “extreme” or “your a nerd” came into play.

Why can’t a girl have friends that are guys without being a slut?

[i could go on and on, im really tempted to but when i get on a roll it never ends]

my point, why does friend ship always need to go a step farther, why do you need “A’s” instead of “B’s”? and why is it that you need a receipt for everything. there is absolutely no trust. the love vanishes the farther away from home you go, and shit just builds up.

Take time, and appreciate things right now. Live in the moment and see how beautiful something can be without spicein it up. ehh?

oodles of noodles

i am weakness

and you are the addicted love

i just cant get enough

when i want you, i need you

when you knock on my door

i let you in

when i kick you out

i smile and say its for good

a moment of satisfactory self gratitude

saying i don’t need you anymore

then sadness over rises and the ache kicks in

the empty spot where you had something

the one you can get over with time

the curiosity of is there anything else

a knock again at the door signals your return

hesitation

i open the door once more

let you in

and the cycle begins again                                                                                                                  oh when will it end?

let it snow let it snow

Pretty much everyone knows that little kids always wish for snow around Christmas. Santa always let me down in that area, the only area he did actually, so i forgave him because one i got everything else i needed, and two i live in the great North Wet, i mean West. North West.  This year however we got so much snow, i only wish i didn’t have mono so i could go out and truly enjoy it.

So far i seriously think we’ve had about three feet altogether. Sure you could take into consideration the fact that I’ve moved into an area where  I’m surrounded by mountains on every side of me but even for this area we’ve gotten a lot of snow.  I for one am thankful. Everyone else in my family just goes about their usual business of bitching because that’s all they want to do. No matter whats going on they always find some way to grump a mump about it.

That doesn’t really bother me anymore though. Its just kinda one of those things that you  have to let faze over yourself because its not worth the fight. Especially when your moving out in about 8 months. Funny how when you know you don’t have to deal with something for forever its easier to go day to day. Gives life a more pleasant feeling. That’s probably why i like moving so much.

Anyways. I’ll cut the babble and get to the good stuff. So far I’ve hiked three miles in it. Attempted to build an Igloo with three unwilling companions.  Shoveled my mini portion of outer side walk five times, nice even number. Made numerous snow men, and sat for count less hours day dreaming staring in an upward direction towards the sky. If i had the patience for it right now id be writing a poem about it instead. But I’m also still getting over the whole embarrassment of having someone read my cheesy work.   I’m hoping soon ill be OK with myself.  I just don’t want to put a time limit on myself if i do that ill try another OD.

Just keep on letting it snow, and ill be fine.

whats after you?

whats after you?
what is there, when for so long ive thought about nothing but you.
after everything somehow relates to you
after you turn everything into a reminder of you
of before times were blue

all that i have for sure is this ach
one in my heart for wanting so badly
and the other in my head for drinking to much
is it so bad to want something so badly?
its almost like i needed you.
yet i sit here blue. without you.

i want to forget but i can only remember

everyone fed me doubts about you
then they asked what i saw
after that i should just dump you
and then thats when everyone told you i was a bitch
next i should except being a bitch because your a loser
somethings in life are ok, but still blue.

what makes it so bad is you never told me
you never even mentioned her.
not until you thought it would hurt me.
not until you wanted to scare me off.

its not like everything was peachy
this wasnt your picture perfect i smile you smile kinda thing
everyday was a new grave to dig                                                                                                                                             every word was a new possibility for an arguement                                                                                                             i just wanted to know if you were listening to me
i wanted to know if you could really hear me

why? why would i just keep dumping you?

Why did you keep coming back?

i needed you to need me

you didnt want to feel like an ass whole for not trying. you were trying to change the past.

i needed you to change the past.

somethings cant be done.

im sorry i wasnt good enough for truth in clishe

My Lost Love

while the leaves are falling
in the cold of the nights
out back behind the front
steep porch stairs
empty city streets
warm wet rain
with you by my side
the mysterys we find
the jokes told
the awkward glances
silent moments scaring away stray talks
icey air racing by
footsteps pattering away
reddining cheeks
awkward laughs
bumping elbows
slightly grining
a catch
&&&
my fingers laced between yours