i’m giving you this umbrella and wishing you safety and love, but it is time we part ways. it has been a great journey.

i know what your thinking.

and if you are ever in need of a good song, but grow tired of fall out boy, i suggest Senses Fail, their best song and one i dedicate it to you, Calling All Cars.

hopefully, we at least had a few good laughs. it’s time however, to go back to real life.

-my last loves going out-NOW- hope ya caught em. peace.

Side Note: i know what your thinking, “i just shit my pants!!!” dood that sucks, good luck cleaning that out. Good bye my good friend, i will remember these times as pleasant ones, where sleep was foreign and laughs were often. Savor these last words of mine, until i become famous and you can hear my words whenever you choose. Im so sorry it had to end this way, this terrible way…but get over it. =/. =p. lol, i know you will. 

final score. 

INIDANS : WON!!!! [duh, because were awesome]

GLASSES : ZERO!!!! [because i will always win, biotch]

Dangerous Juice

Kool-aid is for kids
who live on the
Dangerous side
of life. The we
break walls
for a grand entrance
Dangerous kinda side
The people run
away screaming
Dangerous side.
Multiple combinations
of fruits equals
spectacular on
your taste buds
watch out because
anything to kool
is dangerous
like talking giant
juice jugs.
But still kool.
Kool kids drink
Kool-aid.

Confessions Of a Shelleymiester

things to keep in mind.

1. Procrastination is how i work..at anything..like ..[to be continued]

2. I wear dirty jeans when i run out of clean ones, or when the ones i really want to wear are dirty. Undies some time too. =[. hehe.

3. I shave my legs once in a great while, not ever other day like i should.

4. I DO care how i look, all the time, when i look good, i feel good.

5. I'm terrible at putting on makeup. and often look like Frankenstein's bride to be, yes i could give Mary Shelley's characters a run for their money.

6. Google and Dictionary.com are my number one most used resources when i dont know what someone is talking about.

7. At least 50% of what i talk about has to do with me. and yes, i am self centered.

8. Anything that makes me laugh i will like. when it comes to laughter i'm an addictee.

[i laugh at mean things]

9. I have the memory of a Gold fish, and i refer to all of my friends to “that one dood” for the first three weeks of hanging out.

10. I spy on the neighbors, and read magazines front to cover when i get them [which is why i dont]

11. I enjoy threatening to beat people up, even though i would lose any battle i got into, because im a wimp.

12. I’m slightly bipolar. i think. and i cant make a solid decision and follow through with it.

13. I also enjoy dancing in my pantys and singing in the shower. I cant play my guitar to save my life. && i forget half of my great ideas before i can put them down on paper.

14. I probably act like a mom alot, not sure, but probably.

15. I love odd n random things, but when you stop to think about it, im really not much of either, im just as predictable as anyone else. like, i freaking die for good kisses. and cry during sad movies. and not sad movies.

16. I’m a really big baby and act like a spoiled brat, but most of the time try and pass off as a really analytical knower of all. once i get set on a point of view i wont budge. i can’t even make myself budge.

17. I love all animals and might be considered a hippie, without the grose things like dread locks and taking showers once every month. but i dont like wearing shoes.

18. 11 is my lucky number, and i dont know how thats a confession but there we go.

“Not Fair”!!!!

Do you remember way back in the day when you were younger and you didn’t get your way “not fair” was what you used to throw around at your parents to try and persuade them into joining your marvelous ideas? Then as time went on you realized that barley anything was “fair” and you got so pissed off and went into teenage rebellious mode. If you do, then you may have something to relate to me, because i am just coming out of it, and trying not to get pissed and shoot peoples heads off.

I’d go into details but its all just stupid stuff like letting my sister get away with everything, seeing her dirty laundry all over my floor because we’re both on a laundry strike, i mean, i can handle mine, but her racing strip undies…ew. She just pierced her nose, and she has way more freedom than i did, ok wait, thats not true, she’s just way LAZIER than i was i that age, i mean the reason my room was always a mess was that i was never in it and there for saw no reason to keep it squeeky clean. Plus she talks alot of shit about me and then is nice to my face, it pisses me off, ok she’s nice when the rents’ are here, other than that its “i do what i want”. ok, so, i guess that, i was actually kinda the same, just different facts, but gah, it’s just so weird with her all like how i was not so long ago, and how i dont know who i am at the moment, and i’m tired of having to be her mom because mine isn’t here. she’s difficult and i have no back bone when it comes to arguing with her, she’s got way to much dirt on me. there’s really nothing i can do except watch the damn show. its just so, NOT FAIR!!!

ok, so i know i just said i wouldn’t go into details…but you know, i just got carried away.

 

Here’s to me!

So, i don’t know what’s going to happen from here on out, but i’ve realized that- hey, you just can’t make every body happy, so right now shoot for yourself then along the way hopefully you can bring up some one else, and that will be THE ABSOLUTE BEST!!!!

but once someone makes up their mind all you can do is let them realize their mistake and help them out with they fall.

i just hope i can get that little bit of happiness back that i never had.

Boobs.

I don’t see why guys like boobs so much, or the kicker here why some of them think that touchy feely all over them is supposed to turn us on.

Basically what they are is a pile of fat in a pyramid shape on our chest. Suck on em, squeeze em play with em, if that amuses you, thats great, but it’s not really gonna amuse me…Oh…yea, thanks for playing with my fat piles on my chest. thanks, thats wonderful…

How Do You Overcome Yourself?

Seriously. I’d like to know.

I think I’m my biggest problem.

How do you just say “FUCK IT”

and live how you want to

despite what other people say.

How do you just ignore it?

Have i got it wrong..?

am i just supposed to change it somehow?

do i…?

I think it’s just because i’ve always had a certain way

of being told who to be

now i don’t

and i’m quiet clueless as to what

to do with myself.

Who am I??

I.?

there’s nothing anyone can even say to that.

right now,

i don’t even have anything to say to that.

whatever i do what i want.

wait..

no, i don’t.

Geeze.

happy thoughts oh where are you?

good things oh where have you gone?

what happened to what i thought was reality?

where have i gone?

it’s like i’ve momentarily checked out mentally

and now i’m running

on pure instincts.

&& there’s not much there.

my world as i look around

is strange and unfamiliar

every time i check back in with myself

it seems that i don’t recognize the girl in the mirror.

she’s always changing.

when i check back in for good, i better have

some dam good stories.

and explanations.

because right now. i don’t have shit.

you should have known. thats all i can think of.

but the message somehow got lost in translation.

the reality did.

oh well. one more day wasted.

emo=state of depression, while still in mind, before crazy.

it’s supposed to be you can control it.

but then it’s supposed to be [life=control]

because then your a control freak[if you do]

it’s all commentary in this game we set ourselves up for.

Lean Back

An old song by Fat Joe.

Dancing in a Camper with my old best friend Amanda and out other friends Jake And Sammy. The cute guy outside that i’d been hanging out with, and me trying to impress him. A sunny day in the summer, just messing around. Who doesn’t love those days?

To me that’s what that song will always be despite the fact that i don’t really like the lyrics now that I’ve sat down and listened to them.

That got me into thinking about how people remember things for different reasons. Most people i’ve heard remember things off emotion, and i could see how that works out, when your bored you don’t really remember that as much even though you might have spent more time doing something and being bored than having fun and doing something.

I like how if you talk to different people who were at the same show maybe even friends, doing the exact same thing you’ll get a different view point every time. That’s why i love talking to people.

& I heard once that when you remember something that every time you bring it back up it is different, because of your perception of it at the time, basically the way you think about things affects how you remember something.

ok, there’s the end of that weird and random thought. ‘

you know, sometimes, it just hits me.

WOW!

so for all this time, i’ve been thinking that i would come back here and figure out what i want to do[here as in this little shit hole town] by process of elimination, by taking everything else out of my life that i thought was ok and then whatever i had left was going to be it. be me[in a certain way]. and then i started this blog because i was bummed that i STILL haven’t found one.

i mean i kinda play my guitar, video games are kinda fun, annoying people and destroying my rep is ok, but none of it really felt like it was me, just stuff i was doing to keep myself occupied and unbored. Then it freaking hit me. There is something i do everyday to create stuff, my own stuff, sometimes it is on the computer and most times not, but i do it when i have overwhelming frustration, not so much when im really hyper, or happy, but i’m trying to work that in. oh yea, to the point. ITS WRITE.

how could i not have seen this?? i do it every day, in a million different ways. just wow. it honestly took me this long to figure that out???? i mean, its right in front of me all the time. i’ll seriously even write on my leg if i have nothing else handy. WOW. JUST WOW. im amazed. FIVE MONTHS of me thinking i had nothing. [plus the last seventeen years of my life] but. yup. there it is. and now i’m good. YEY ME.

Seeing In Reflection

just like

through the looking glass

there is a parallel universe

for everything

always simplifying everything

to discover meaning

explaining in the same ends.

background info hiding simple reactions

most common

who cares

get away words & wonder

always complicating things

sheer facts denying reality, such a delicate thing

are you sure

that while peering at yourself in an alternate surface that that is you?

how do you know

its not you in a different world

adding math seriously complicates the matter

as simple a thing it is

and geometry confuses the hell out of yes

in an alternate world we are sitting together

drinking tea at our favorite coffee shop.

[& i wish i could be there right now]