This is going to be my everyday journal, i’ll type in here every day that i feel like i need to.

Todays History:
Today is February 8th the friday in 2008.
[or if you prefer to day is technically the 9th Saturday since its 1:09am]
Today sucked balls.
i woke up at like one in the after noon, did nothing a little bit more nothing, and then got ready to go to the tc aka the teen center, aka another way to do nothing, more specifically sit around a bunch of younger kids and look retarded while doing nothing.
I’m officially making my favorite song of today When two are one by Atreyu.
it makes me happy, even though its not really that happy of a song.
I feel like i have missed out on a part of history here’s why:
I recently discovered the comedian Mitch Hedberg while watching you tube videos with a David, actually he showed him to me, then i was looking up more of his videos to get another fix off laughs and i saw something about him being dead. I didn’t think that could be right, so i Google’d it, and yup, he died like a few years ago. He died before i even knew he existed.

Todays History lesson:
you don’t know everything, even though you think you do, there are alot of things out there that are good even now as we speak that you may never know about. Open your eyes and ears a little more, not in fear but curiosity. ps i don’t konw why im talking all zen like. it just kinda feels right. just one of those things.
i like those things.

Todays Good thought:
at least you got a lot of sleep.

Todays Bad thought:
if things get any worse you can go crazy and have reason behind it, thats the worst.

Todays Sad thought
i miss heath ledger, he was such a beautiful man.

Todays Conspiracy thought:
I wonder if heath ledger and mitch hedberg are actually alive living peacefully on some obscure island where no one speaks english and has there for never heard of them. its just a press scandal. then again. maybe not, then again, maybe some day i’ll get stranded at sea and wined up on the same island as them. I’d be the happiest woman in the entire universe. Fuck everything else i’ll recreate society right here.

Today_Was: well just as boring as yesterday. and just as boring as tomorrow will be.

Day Two.
Date today will be remembered by: February 10, Sunday in 2008
Time of day: Just after noon.
Feeling: slight tummy ache from last night.
Mood: bored and slightly awkward with myself.

Oh yea, and i’ve decided that i’m going to start working out.

Wednesday 13th of February  aka day three for my thing here

i don’t really have much to say, i’ve already written it in a message that wont reach its intended destination. but i copyed it. im to lazy to rewrite it. so. here it is.

[01:01] ShelleyBean101: hey
[01:01] Meebo Message: [someone] appears offline. Your message may not be received.
[01:02] ShelleyBean101: i don’t know if you get these or not
[01:02] ShelleyBean101: the off line things
[01:02] ShelleyBean101: but im really really bored
[01:02] ShelleyBean101: and i just needed something to do to make myself tired
[01:02] ShelleyBean101: so i’ll just sit here and talk to the screen and pretend your talking back
[01:02] ShelleyBean101: thats what i do when i get bored anyways
[01:03] ShelleyBean101: haha
[01:03] ShelleyBean101: that sounds crazy
[01:03] ShelleyBean101: but somethings in life just are
[01:03] ShelleyBean101: so i like this guy david
[01:03] ShelleyBean101: and were going out
[01:03] ShelleyBean101: now.
[01:03] ShelleyBean101: it’s just weird.
[01:04] ShelleyBean101: because sometimes its like hanging out with you,
[01:04] ShelleyBean101: and living in bellingham,
[01:04] ShelleyBean101: and donig everything that i did there-
[01:04] ShelleyBean101: it seems like it never even happend
[01:04] ShelleyBean101: and now i just feel like and empty shell
[01:04] ShelleyBean101: an*
[01:04] ShelleyBean101: i’ve lost my “ey”
[01:04] ShelleyBean101: its just shell now
[01:05] ShelleyBean101: i’m don’t [sometimes] feel like me anymore
[01:05] ShelleyBean101: i know what your thinking that sounds soo emo
[01:05] ShelleyBean101: but it’s just one of those things
[01:05] ShelleyBean101: things*
[01:05] ShelleyBean101: you know,
[01:05] ShelleyBean101: i think i figured something out
[01:06] ShelleyBean101: whenever i think something is bad
[01:06] ShelleyBean101: and then i say it out loud
[01:06] ShelleyBean101: i realize that it’s really not
[01:06] ShelleyBean101: same thing about fun stuff
[01:06] ShelleyBean101: sometimes
[01:07] ShelleyBean101: i think that my ideas of good and bad are a wee bit out of sink with the rest of the worlds now.
[01:07] ShelleyBean101: i’ve just been alone for so long
[01:07] ShelleyBean101: to be honest im still kinda scared
[01:07] ShelleyBean101: about alot of things
[01:07] ShelleyBean101: not being liked
[01:07] ShelleyBean101: not likeing things
[01:07] ShelleyBean101: being to bitchey
[01:07] ShelleyBean101: not getting friends
[01:08] ShelleyBean101: speaking of friends that i don’t have
[01:08] ShelleyBean101: m- and e- have come over the last couple of days
[01:08] ShelleyBean101: to try and get me to hang out
[01:08] ShelleyBean101: and we do for a bit
[01:08] ShelleyBean101: and usually i don’t go with them
[01:09] ShelleyBean101: but when ever i hang out with them i just get bored
[01:09] ShelleyBean101: not that im not bored all the time
[01:09] ShelleyBean101: so i’m willing to admit that it might just be that im a boring person
[01:09] ShelleyBean101: but
[01:09] ShelleyBean101: now they keep saying how im ditching them
[01:10] ShelleyBean101: and randomly nonchalantly tossing that out there
[01:10] ShelleyBean101: as if trying to say or show that im the problem
[01:10] ShelleyBean101: i think
[01:10] ShelleyBean101: its just that i have way to much time to think
[01:10] ShelleyBean101: to much time to myself
[01:11] ShelleyBean101: i don’t think it’s a problem of honestey
[01:11] ShelleyBean101: because i truely do want to have them as friends
[01:11] ShelleyBean101: i think it might just be a cross of disinterest[we dont like the same stuff] and awkward moments
[01:12] ShelleyBean101: i just kinda forget who i am around them
[01:12] ShelleyBean101: i do that with alot of people these days
[01:12] ShelleyBean101: i still don’t know who i am
[01:12] ShelleyBean101: kinda
[01:12] ShelleyBean101: i want to be nice and a good person
[01:12] ShelleyBean101: but sometimes that just seems completely boring and i have no life
[01:12] ShelleyBean101: and
[01:12] ShelleyBean101: i don’t konw
[01:12] ShelleyBean101: Know*
[01:13] ShelleyBean101: i just wish i could go back in time and fix all this somehow make it better
[01:13] ShelleyBean101: no
[01:13] ShelleyBean101: i dont
[01:13] ShelleyBean101: but i do
[01:13] ShelleyBean101: …if that makes sense
[01:13] ShelleyBean101: i just want to feel alive again
[01:13] ShelleyBean101: instead of dead
[01:13] ShelleyBean101: i mean i breath and all that stuff
[01:14] ShelleyBean101: but
[01:14] ShelleyBean101: it’s just
[01:14] ShelleyBean101: i can’t really explain it.
[01:14] ShelleyBean101: i feel like im missing out on something.
[01:14] ShelleyBean101: so…yea
[01:14] ShelleyBean101: wow
[01:14] ShelleyBean101: i didn’t expect to write all that
[01:15] ShelleyBean101: really.
[01:15] ShelleyBean101: if you get this
[01:15] ShelleyBean101: write me back and tell me how your doing
[01:15] ShelleyBean101: or message me or something
[01:15] ShelleyBean101: i miss you and
[01:15] ShelleyBean101: i hope everything is going well for you
[01:15] ShelleyBean101: well peace