Im Back In Black

My hair and my general bad ass self. What can i say, im simply amazing like that. Self absorbed – check. Camera – check. Emo look – uncheck. Punk – helllz yea.

Well as it turns out, im moving tomorrow. I know it’s freaking CRAZY, i was just going along in life minding my own business, and then all of a sudden everything started working out and the pieces just kinda fell into place. I hope that im on a roll, and things just keep on flowing, like the river of life. You know i may have been stuck up on the wrong shore for awhile but, i just waited for the tied to rise again to sweep me back into where i belong, and shazam. here i am.

I’m not going to lie to myself anymore. I’m really nervous, i mean, not SUPER, just ‘actually’ there’s alot i could do wrong, i just have to know to avoid it.

From the ground i will build myself up. it will be awEsum. just wait, you will see.

ok so now that im done being all “wooh who” and what not. life is good, in general, and everything is going ok, im basically just ignoring the bad stuff for right now but thats only because im leaving tomorrow and there is no use in starting something huge in one night. i’d rather just grin and bear it and be gone tomorrow than sit and listen to people bitching all night.but im getting a bit tired, and even though i am staying up all night, i dont feel like mentally exhausting myself, so i’mma go do something else for awhile.

peace.

Family

I love my family, im so glad that i got an ok bunch. I mean, sure they have their problems but no one is perfect, and its stuff like having your little sister who you barley know write a paper that says she looks up to you just fills your heart. awww, i feel special. thanks t.

although i do love my family i still cant wait to move outta my moms place. good freaking lord it will be nice to finally be on my own! then i will be free at last!!! free as a bird.

Thoughts of the Day

Freedom. such a touchy subject these days, i hear a lot of controversy on the matter. Usually it comes from people who like to obey the law, and people who like things that are illegal. my thoughts on the matter is that if you have to discuss how much freedom you have with someone, then you already have given up yours for whatever reason you have it. there are two things that define someones freedom, and i like how Johnny Depp put it, “what a man can do, and what a man cant do”. Freedom isn’t something your given, if someone is “giving” you freedom is it really freedom? no. you didn’t choose it, it was given to you. Freedom is your choice of what you want to do. everyone weather they think they do or not has it. they may not like the things they have to do to get their freedoms, and there is not TRUE freedom, because everythings got a price, but you have the freedom to choose what your willing to pay for what you think is necessiary or what you want in life. THAT IS FREEDOM, that is the only freedom you’ve got my friend, dont listen to people who tell you the gov’t gives you freedom or god gives you freedom, its something you create in your own world.

i dont know

yupp yup. title says it all.

Cheaters Not Welcome.

If you wanna cheat on your fucking girlfriend, your a slime ball end of story. CHEATERS STAY AWAY. fucking douche bags.

in other news, Life just might turn out alright, as long as things you know, go alright. no one wants me here in my town, im pretty sure my family hates me, although as far as im aware im dont really know why, but you know, i gotta keep on pushin. whatever. no one REALLY listens to me, and i know im a good person, or at least try to be the best i can, and if thats not good enough then UP YOURS douche bag.

Fly Under The Radar Little Sheep

Out of the commandments there is only one that i can ever really remember, The 11th Commandment. Thou Shalt Not Get Caught.

This is the one that strangely enough i learned from my mother, oh i know-the many mystery’s of my family! Any ways, this is one that at the moment my bf is having alot of troubles with. He got caught a few months ago spent awhile in juvie and is now on probation. You know how it is though, no matter if your on probation or not, if you got outta juvie awhile ago your ego has probably grown and you might just have the balls to keep doing stupid shit. Some times i even wonder if he wants to go back in there, just for the hell of it, or something, but then, i cant really see why he would.

The thing is, everyone, or so they say everyone, has the time in which they start to question authority, some get caught doing things they shouldn’t because of this, and everyone has to deal with the consequences of it. Usually what you have to deal with is putting on a face doing everything right. Which is the part that i personally hate. Why cant we just be free is the question that i usually ask. But someone who is good at it can get away with it their entire lives, someone who isn’t either learns how to or goes back to following the rules and becoming a sheep.

My main question in life right now is, what makes it worth it all? what is the good stuff? thats not a question that anyone can answer for me, i know this, but seriously, i know there has got to be something out there because i’ve already ruled out the option of death, but still the question remains for now.

My pen stopped working right after i finished writing this. Thats so weird.

all of these unanswered questions build up

as i sit before the toilet bowl ready to throw up

everywhere i look it seems destruction is coming up

glances thrown in my direction

again, walking the city streets alone

an alien i must seem

in amongst the moments that i steel

just to know what it might feel like

stright up is the phrase that people use

when they are sneaking around

the rules are sitting there upon the table

the rules that are more like war fare

the rules that are just a guide line

in a world where anything goes

it all semms to spin around, swirling in a continum

its speeding by me

standing alone, i miss your whispers in my ear

and your fingers laced between mine

a love that could have been,

filled out in one night, and im still trying to forget

as the world keeps spinning around and around

the days seem to slip by, and yet im still trying to figure out why

this scene around me, could it all be?

is it just a dream? am i just remembering it from another place?

harsh words thrown around as lightly as marshmellows thrown

there are eyes that follow me around and

wonder what i am doing

haunting they are, hiding in odd corners.

im trying to escape and im looking for a smile

i know i’ll be stuck here for awhile.

Its Been Awhile.

Phew, so i haven’t written anything on here in what seems like ages, and im not gonna lie, i really missed it. So much has happend in the time that i have been away from the computer, its like im a whole new person. or ok thats wrong, i’ve just opend my mind to new ideas. At least, im in the process of doing so. heh, that sounds so cheesy, i wonder if i always sound this drull…hope not.

Anyways, Down to the good stuff, if i can come up with any that is. i feel so out of touch with the key board..its like a long lost friend, returning, like an old joke that goes on and on. that one joke everyone knows and everyone tells hardly any one laughs at it anymore except for those few people who are just…well you know who im talking about. =]. i joke i joke.

So, as some of you may know, and you now know because i am about to tell you i live in a pertty small and boring town. i take that back, i live in a REALLY small and extremely boring town. a fly speck on the map if you will. there’s like one stop light, and it doesn’t even have all three colors. just a red flashy on two sides and on the other two yellow flashy. I KNOW, wow. thats unimaginable to those of you who have never lived in a small town before, but yes, we do have out own dot on the map. and it’s well earned. with out two grocery stores that is…alright, enough babble, my point here is in the “down town” area which consists of about two blocks there happens to be this little furniture store. it looks pertty nice although like the theme of this story its small compared to your average furniture gallery. but my question is, in all the time that i have lived here, which about now adds up to about a year, i have NEVER seen anybody going in there. not once. never seen anyone browsing furniture, never seen any furniture being loaded or unloaded into the store. ect. and yet, still it sits there occasionally with an open sign in the window. How does it do it? How does it stay open? are they just sitting on it waiting for someone to break in and steal something to make an insurance claim? dealing drugs  on the side? running off ebay? i’d really like to know. anywho.

thats about it for now, although i’d still like to bitch about our confusing as hell weather that were having, if you can believe it it’s still april and its bloody snowing every other day. FTW?!? i just dont get it. alright peace.

strifling creativity

right now it just seems like every thing. everyone. every every. is telling me not to be me. is saying that im some how wrong. or something. i cant really explain it. i just feel kinda unloved.

i have a strong urge to just tell the world to fuck off. FUCK OFF WORLD. fuck off.

there is like this question this nagging in the back of my head, i dont really know what it is just that it wont go away. how am i supposed to find an answer to a question that i dont know what it is. how?

i dono.

Fire and Ice

As we walk through the valley of shadow and flames

Every day is like a new discovery, every glance is suddenly a new opportunity, where some people see death and destruction, ruins in mass,  a grave yard waiting to happen, suddenly i see a rose coming into bloom and the sparks that fly before the first kiss, the intensity of doing a flip for the first time, your heart pounding in intensity as you race a friend.

His name is Bullet, and he is the Cutest. cat. He runs into walls, and has already lost his balls. He is the essence of loving, and the terror in other felines young and old alike. I love my cat.